Sweet Baby!

Today was my first day at my summer job. I chocked back tears when I dropped her off (eventhough I was only going to be ten feet away in the next room all day). She wouldn't take a bottle of breast milk from the teachers, so I took her in to the nursing room to feed her throughout the day. I loved every minute, but cried each time because I didn't want to take her back in there and leave her again. She didn't sleep much or eat much -even from me. I'm sure it was the extreme change in daily routine that caused it. I feel so guilty, but I absolutely have to work and this is the most ideal situation possible. Nevertheless, it is still very hard-not to mention all the recent drama surrounding her father and their pending relationship. (I'm too tired to go into that one...)

When I got her home I just held her and cried because I missed her so much. The poor baby was so hungry she ate five times between 6:00 and 7:30!! She feel asleep an hour before her bedtime, and I cried when I went to put her in her crib because I wanted more time. She opened her eyes as soon as I put her down, so I snatched her back up again.

I guess she wanted more, too! Just thinking about going back again tomorrow makes me cry. I missed so many smiles and little laughs and coos today, it's just killing me! I hope she smiled; I hoped they played with her, but there are 5 other babies that need attention. She's used to getting 1 on 1 with me all day.
I really like the job, but being Maysie's momma is the best job I could ever have! I'm hoping we both adjust soon....... can't handle much more stress and emotional upheaval.

These pics are from Memorial Day, by the way.

Clairvoyance!

The strangest thing happened this morning...but I must back up a bit for it to make sense...
This last Wednesday I mowed my lawn, but discovered that my weed eater was out of line and missing the guard. Rather than mess with that, I texted T (baby daddy) and asked if I could borrow his. He said I could if he could borrow the mower and even offered to trim my yard for me. He said he couldn't that night, but he would the next day (Thursday). Thursday evening rolls around and no T. I knew he would be playing his dumb computer game at 6:30, so at 6pm I texted him. He said "sorry. stuff came up. tomorrow?" BTW- it is very much like him to not show without letting me know he's not coming. I agree to Friday. then texted him back to say I would come by his house after my gym adventure that day to pick it up so I could trim the yard myself. No response. When I arrived at his place, he wasn't there. Now keep in mind that this computer game takes priority over just about everything, so I figured he was out chasing tail and the "stuff" that came up was probably a chance to hook up with who knows what.
So, Friday afternoon I texted to ask if he was still coming. He says yes, when it cools off a bit. Fair enough. I left my mom's early so I would be home when he arrives. I got a text around 6:00 that he's not coming (again) because he worked out too hard at the gym and he's tired. He asked if he could come tomorrow (Saturday). I said ok. I also asked if he was going to be at home that night because his roommate had invited me to stop by. He said it was doubtful. Now I know he's messing around with some girl because everyone he hangs out with was probably going to be at his place that night.
God bless her- she needs to be warned!
Anyway, I asked if he could just drop the trimmer off on his way out. He wasn't going in that direction...I said forget it, I would borrow my dad's. He asked if I could just wait until tomorrow (Saturday) morning. I told him I've been waiting (he was supposed to have done this LAST week, but never showed) and that the morning wasn't good for me. No response. I figured that ticked him off and he didn't care to say anything else (that's how he rolls). I figured that was that. I couldn't sleep because I kept thinking of how I'd like to tell him off in front of his new lady friend.
So here comes the weird part......
This morning, Maysie woke up just before 7am. I brought her into bed with me so we could play. Out of nowhere, the though that T might show up that morning entered my head. I thought that if he did, he would show up early because he's an early riser, and I thought that he would probably want to beat the rain, too, since it was overcast....then I thought: what if he's here right now? I looked up (I can see my front door from my bed) and he had just walked up to my door and was looking in.
How did I know??!!!
Luckily I had that thought or he would have scared me to pieces! He kissed the baby and just got started before the rain came down. He left his trimmer saying he would come back later if the rain subsided; he wanted to pick up his other daughter, too. It cleared up by 11am. At 5pm, I hadn't heard from him (surprise), but had already arranged for my dad to come out and help me because clearly T is unreliable.. I let T know he need not worry about it......I'll bet he didn't pick up Claire, either.......I hope new girl is on the pill- T has a habit of making babies then taking off!!!

By popular demand.....

More pics of my sweet baby girl! The photos hardly do her justice; I really need a better camera!

She was 2 months old on the 16th!

House of Mouse

Here's a mouse update......
So I had the humane trap set in my pantry; a mouse got in there, took some bait, and managed to find his way out again (he must have had a buddy there to hold the door open for him). They left a cheese nip behind- guess their pockets were full. I replaced the trap under my sink. Eventhough I'd tried filling in the holes around the plumbing to keep them out, they were still getting in and throwing parties down there- and leaving their poop for me to clean up! How rude! I checked the trap again yesterday- it looked empty. Completely empty; even the cheese nip was gone! That was the last straw! I tried to be nice and capture them without killing them, but they chose to nibble my tortillas, steal the bait, and not get caught! I bought some glue traps. Just for the record, I do not like glue traps.
My first experience with a trap like this was back in high school. There was a mouse running rampant in my parent's house. I set out a glue trap thinking I could just peel the little fella off and let him go -in case you haven't picked up, I don't like killing things. Even most spiders get a pardon in my house (I throw them outside). Back to the traumatizing trap story.....I had every intention of saving the tiny intruder. Little did I know the calibur of adhesive on these glue traps -hey, I should use on to catch me a man. Ha!- Just a few hours after setting it out, I had caught one. I tried to use a tissued hand to free it from the glue, but the more I tried, the harder it struggled and panted, and the more stuck it got. Finally, I realized in horror that the mouse would not be freed. What did I do with it now? The mouse was still alive, but it's death by starvation was inevitable! All I could do was gently place it at the bottom of our garage trash can and hope that the image of it's writhing little body didn't haunt me that night.
So here I am, some 13 years later preparing to relive the whole experience. I can't very well have a mouse getting into Maysie's room or go scurrying across the floor when potential buyers are viewing my house, though. I opened the under-sink door and removed the failed trap only to find it wasn't empty after all. The plastic is tinted mouse color. A frightened little mouse was hangin' out in there, half soaked with his own pee. I guess he'd been in there since yesterday. I immediately walked him down to the field at the end of my road (luckily, Mom was at my house watching Maysie while I did some chores). As I walked back to my house, I began to feel guilty about the glue traps since the humane trap had worked afterall. Nonetheless, I set out two sticky plates: one under the sink, and one in the pantry. Just hours later I was in the kitchen when I heard a pitiful little squeak. Oh no! I almost hated to look. Sure enough, a tiny- I mean tiny- mouseling was stuck but good to that trap. Oh great- a baby. Once again I felt a wave of dread as I thought about how to dispose of the terrified creature. Once again I resorted to my garage trash can. I looked him in his beady black eyes, told him I was sorry, and dropped him in. I'm going to pretend that he died of fright on the way down.
**Sigh.....I set two more traps out. I must be a glutton for punishment.........

Flashback...where did she go?

So I was scrolling through my "favorites" list and I came across the blog I kept 3 years ago. I was still married back then, and apparently so much more clever and vibrant. *sigh* 2007 really sucked the fun right out of me (I told 2007 it could kiss my ass when I met 2008!). Buuuuut, I have hope that the silly, carefree girl I once was is still alive somewhere within me and kicking to be let out........for those of who who don't believe that this seemingly Eyore/ Eore/ Eyor (??) was once a Roo, check out the blog yourself: Sweet Imbacilities

Reading it made me want to like me again...........what happened??

Golden

I had dinner with a few friends the other night. As I was parking I noticed a couple that was standing outside waiting for their table. It was my best friend from high school and her husband! I hadn't seen her since the day her third son was born. He is three now. I immediately brought her over to my car to meet Maysie and briefly fill her in on the Jerry Springer events that have transpired over the last year (it was a year to the date as a matter of fact). We exchanged numbers; we're having lunch today. It's funny how someone you are so close to can so easily slip out of your life. "J" and I were together nearly everyday from our junior year in school until around the time she got married. We even went on spring break trips together when I was at the University. I was in her wedding, and she was in mine. We still hung out after she was married, but not as frequently as both our lives were taking different paths. When her first child was born -he's in third grade now- I saw even less of her. I attended birthday parties and would stop by occationally, but it was hard for her to get out- I understand now how hard it is! Then she had her second- she is 5 and graduating from preschool-and the visits were fewer and farther between. The last time I saw her before Saturday, I hadn't seen her in several months. I've thought about her a lot over the past 3 years, but didn't know how to get in touch with her. I was so busy I could never find the time, either.
I'm a big believer that things happen for a reason, even with everything that's happened recently. I feel I was meant to run in to her at this time in my life so we could reconnect. When I saw her it was like no time had passed at all. She was the kind of friend where we could just hang out and not speak, but not get bored either. We were always able to find something to do. We didn't ever discuss deep feelings or life issues, we just had fun. We would make silly videos -commercial spoofs, lip sync'ing- the kind where when I show someone else, I'm the only one laughing. We took all sorts of road trips, too. I'm so glad that we found each other again!

I love my friends. It's hard at this stage in life to keep close in touch, though. All of them are busy with school, careers, relationships- as am I. Now I have my precious Maysie, so getting together is even harder. I was always the one to coordinate the get togethers or trips, but I'm preoccipied these days! Everyone seems so scattered to the wind. But the great part about my friends is if I were to plan a gathering, I know they would all be there.

My good friend "K" comes to see us every Thursday after work. She keeps me posted with the goings on at school. We teach down the hall from each other. We've been friends since her first year at the school. We're usually seen together in the lounge or hall before and after school, but this next year I'll be moving to a school a block away! I don't know how we will survive without one another just steps away. We'll have to have our weekly dates after school.

My friends have stuck by me and supported me unconditionally through out the divorce and the whole ordeal with Maysie's daddy. My good friend "L" gifted me with her kind words and strength after T left. She was there to peel me up off the floor during Christmas break when I was at my lowest point. Without her, I'm not sure I would have made it to where I am with as much strength as I have. We have a connection that runs deeper than just friends; her 2 year old daughter and Maysie are half sisters, but all sister as far as we are concerned.

Maysie and I are so blessed to be surrounded by so much love from my friends and AWESOME family. How did we get so lucky?

Oh- Mouse update...that sneaky little bastard got into the trap, took the food, and somehow got back out again!! Curses- foiled again!!

If I had the money I would......

• buy a fancy digital SLR camera
• treat myself to a spa day
• buy season tickets to a professional theatre
• go on a cruise
• get professional photos taken of Maysie every year
• landscape my backyard...maybe then someone would buy the house!
• not worry about selling my house!
• get a new car -or- repair and repaint my car metallic orange!
• buy a Dyson, just to see what all the fuss is about
• go out to eat at a fancy restaurant once a month
• donate to charities
• hire someone to mow my yard every week
• treat myself to a pedicure every month

Warm fuzzy

(Maysie with her Tante)

Happiness is a sweet baby sleeping in your arms!

So.....

Not much going on. I feel like such a recluse these days- I'm not used to that. My baby girl is 2 months old today! I had lunch with a friend from the theatre today. I hadn't seen him since "Bye Bye Birdie" closed in early March. (I performed in that show as Mrs. MacAfee- it was the only role where I could get away with being pregnant. Maysie was born two weeks later.) It was nice to show off my post pregnancy figure, but in vain- he's married. It was good to see him, though. I'm going to miss doing shows. I've been performing for 13 years now. I love it- it's my drug of choice. I was glad I managed to squeeze in one more before Maysie. I knew after she was born I wouldn't have the time, nor would I be as interested in being away from her for rehearsals. Going to rehearsals everyday and being around my friends also helped me to get through the last leg of my pregnancy. It was rough going it alone; there were times when I wasn't sure I could do it. But I did, and I feel I"m stronger for it -though still shaky at times. I have no regrets. I'm trying not to have any resentment, either- it's pointless and unhealthy. But it's also very hard not to feel resentment, especially when she screams for 45 minutes straight and my back aches from carrying her around all the time. Eventhough I love her more than anything, I could use a break now and again! I am proud to say I can prepared tuna helper from start to finish with one hand and a baby on my shoulder! A hidden talent!

My good friend is going to be on that MTV show about finding an Elle Woods for Broadways "Legally Blonde". I've caught a glimpse of her on the trailor!! She was in "Birdie" with me. She had to leave before our last weekend to start filming. She was back the next week, though. Those New York people are crazy; she's awesome! She and I met during "Peter Pan". She was Tiger Lily and I was Peter. We were also in a commercial together. I'm the only one without long blonde hair. We're supposed to make another commercial for Shakes soon. I'll keep you posted.

Another friend of mine is coming to town this weekend. He taught down the hall from me my first year at the school. He and his wife are moving to San Fransisco so he can go to seminary school. I'm going to meet up with them sometime tomorrow. He'll get to meet Maysie!

I've been gussyin' up my house in order to make it more tempting for buyers.....hard to tempt them if they don't look, though! Where's my easy button!!!

I wish....

....automatic dishwashers would load and unload your dishes, too.
....I knew how to make Maysie sleep more soundly and for longer durations.
....someone would buy my house!
....Maysie's father were more interested in being a daddy.
....I didn't need/ want his attention so much.
....I could go on a date with a nice guy with potential for a romantic partner.
....I had realized before touching up that the white paint in the can in the garage is not the same white as the walls.
....I weren't hungry all the time! What's up with that?

Nap Time Rocks!

I've decided that AAA batteries are completely useless! I have a monitor that I keep by my bed so I can hear when Maysie starts to stir. Usually, I'm good about determining when her little noises mean "I'm sleep-grunting", or "I just woke up and I'm hungry". Being a light sleeper, I almost always get there before she starts to cry. Last night, however, I was awakened by my baby crying out. Why? Well, the batteries on the monitor had died...again! She's only been sleeping in her crib for about 3 weeks, therefore I've only been using the monitor for that long. This will be the SECOND time I've had to change the batteries!
Here I was at 4 am scavenging batteries from any remote control in the house that used AAA's. While I was able to find four, none of them had enough juice to power the walkie talkie that I keep in my room! Needless to say, every tiny noise I heard from her nursery after I went back to bed put my ears on point, straining to decipher it's call. She was up for good three hours later. When I went in to get her, she had managed to wiggle herself completely sideways in her crib, which is pretty amazing considering her arms are velcroed to her side and her legs are in a pouch. She's advanced!

Two days ago I caught a mouse rummaging through my pantry! Today when I was making my lunch I discovered that little wanker had nibbled into my tortillas! No wrap for me........
I put a humane trap out yesterday; nothing so far!

Monday, Monday....

So I got a summer job today. I'll be working full time at the learning center where I plan to take Maysie when I go back to work this fall. I can work there this summer and Maysie can be cared for literally next door to where I will be all day caring for 2 to 3 year olds. I feel better knowing I can peek in on her whenever I need to or nurse her when she needs me. It's also a bonus that I will know the staff well when I am not working in the same building; when I'm actually across town and she's inaccessable during the day. I get a 25% discount while I'm employed there, too. Nice! I won't make much, but anything will help now seeing as I won't get another paycheck from the schools until September! I hope my house sells this month!

Maysie is changing so much. She's sucking on her little hands like crazy and drooling. She likes to lick things or just stick out her tongue! Baby tongues are so cute! I love that I know how to make her smile! It melts me everytime...

The other morning, I went in to get her once she woke up. When I looked into her crib she looked up at me and smiled so big! It was awesome!!! She's trying to turn over; she can get halfway there already! When she pushes her chest up during her tummy time, her little legs are just pumping away trying to get herself moving....if only her shoulders and arms would join the party- darn that disproportionately heavy head!

And now for this week's installment of.......

I LOVE:
*My sweet baby girl
*My supportive family
*My awesome friends (who are like family)
*Pizza
*Wedding cake (I think that may be why I got married!)
*Rocking out to showtunes and/or girl rock
*Project Runway
*baby animals
*a good belly laugh (It's been too long!!)
*losing my inhibitions, but not my judgement
*Spring!
*making lists

I DISLIKE:
*Raw onions
*people who lie
*intolerance (maybe somewhat hypocritical?)
*root beer
*text abbreviations (I'm an English teacher...)
*white walls
*weeds in my garden
*cat pee
*cigarett smoke
*being cold

TGIF

Yesterday was rough! Maysie was fussy the majority of the day, and I was feeling very isolated. Not so much from everyone, but from Maysie's dad- the one person I want to be closer to. It's hard maintaining a relationship with him because he seems so aloof about seeing his daughter. He'll talk a big game at times, but his actions hardly ever follow his words. I wish I didn't allow him to get to me so easily- he drives the knife deep, but I keep giving it to him, then I stand there with my arms open saying "let me have it".
Foolish. I'm tired of crying about it....

Maysie is having sleep issues that I don't know how to deal with. She had created a good schedule of going to bed at 8, then waking two times during the night around 12:30 and 4:30. Now she won't go to bed in her crib until after 9- though she will sleep in my arms, as soon as I put her down she's wide awake and fussing. I tried putting her down without being swaddled last night since she always struggled to get out of the wrap and sometimes even cries when I put her in it. She woke up within 5 minutes both times I tried. The last time I swaddled her; she finally went to bed- maybe out of comfort from being wrapped, or maybe out of exhaustion from the late hour and fussiness all evening. There were a few times last night when I felt I couldn't handle it any more- I was going to come unglued...but what other options do I have? I don't have a co-parent to hand her over to when I need a time out. The good part of this new sleep pattern is she only wakes once at 3am.....

Being a single parent is hard!

She did lift her chest off the floor during tummy time yesterday! I was very excited and proud! She's not suppoed to do that until around 3 months. Maysie will be 2 months in the 16th. She's advanced!

I really want some cake and/ or pizza. I wish I wasn't hungry all the time! Maybe I should stop watching the Food Network....

Is it Thursday?

Maysie didn't go to bed until 9:45 last night! Her bed time is 8:00. Well, she did fall asleep on time, but she would only stay alseep if I held her. As soon as I put her in her crib she was wide awake! the nice thing about her getting to sleep late is that she doesn't wake up to eat until 2am. By that time I was quite ready to feed her if you know what I mean!

Looks like another day of sitting around the house..*sigh* It's raining again today -come back sun!! The good news is Thursdays is when my friend Karie comes over to see us! Maybe I'll make spaghetti....

I have nothing interesting to say today......

Day 1...Here goes.....

My sweet Maysie Rowyn!

I've been inspired by my sister-in-law and mother of 3 and a half (half due in July) wonderful kiddos. I had a blog many years ago, but now one divorce and sweet baby girl later, I need something to pass the time and hopefully make contact with the outside world.

May daughter Maysie was born March 16. She's the most beautiful baby girl! Adjusting to her schedule has been tough. I've never been a sit around at home kind of person- I've always loaded up my social plate just beyond spillage- but having an infant to care for has changed all of that. I wouldn't trade it for anything, though! Regardless of how much I love being a momma, the isolation and cabin fever is hard to cope with.

I'm raising her as a single parent- that's a whole saga in itself, maybe for another blog. I never had any doubts that I could do it alone. I'm freshly 30, and I've had since 19 weeks pregnant to come to terms with being a single mom. I'm not the first to go it alone. If other parents can do it, then so can I!

In my other life I'm a middle school teacher. Needless to say I like kids.

I'd love to hear from other moms....is anybody out there?