Monday, September 22, 2008

Half a year

Maysie turned 6 months last Tuesday! She has two teeth now, though only one is in enough to be felt- it's sharp!! I can see the other one, but it's still flush with her gums. She is sitting up- still a bit wobbly here and there, but she can balance fairly well! She can pivot on her tummy to ge to a toy she wants. She walks with help, too. It's funny to watch her; she steps on her own feet. I call it her runway walk because she crosses her feet over each other and steps on her toes. Just tonight she was sitting in the floor by me. She grabbed my arm and pulled herself to standing! She may just skip crawling all together. She is very good about going to bed on time without a fuss at 7:30; even when she is awake when I put her down. She still wakes up at least once at night, and sometimes has trouble going back to bed. I'm working on that, but she is teething so it's hard to ignore her cries when I think she might be hurting and just wants some comfort. Because of the sprouting pearlies, she is in the "grab whatever I can and pull it into my mouth" phase. No hair or finger is safe! I may have some serious bald spots before she's done- she's quick!! Here are some recent pics. She's so stinking adorable!

Sunday, September 14, 2008

To be or to blog....

Since I've started work, blogging has become more of a chore than a hobby. Feeling obligated defeats the purpose doesn't it? It's not that I have nothing to say, I have many thoughts and feelings gnawing at my soul day after day, but I'm not sure I care to peel my skin back for all to see- and not even knowing who would be looking. Vulnerability has never been something I was good at. When I've tried, it was in vain, for the recipients could have cared less. I guess journaling could be a more private venue....I journaled my heart out during the last months of my pregnancy- I had a lot of feelings to sort out. I still do, but again, journaling would seem like a chore. Afterall, isn't it enough to experience these heavy feelings? Writing about them later is like reliving them- and the idea of that is exhausting. Keeping all those thoughts and feelings to myself does weigh me down, though. I long to share them with some one, but not just any random reader. I can only hope that someone will come along one day that wants to know what I'm thinking, and wants me to share the inner depths of my soul with them. I'm tired of trying to force others to know me to that degree of intimacy- then I feel foolish and vulnerable. I know that if I stand naked outside long enough with a sign that reads "love me", someone will eventually offer me a blanket and invite me in, but I would have one hell of a sun burn by that time. (yes, I know it's a crazy metaphor...I can't write without them!) It's not worth it. So, until someone is willing to not only accept, but ask for the words within, I'll just pack them in boxes and store them away.

Thursday, September 4, 2008

I haven't dropped off the earth......

.....I've just been busy. School started. I went back on the 11th of August; the students followed the next Monday. So far, I have a good bunch of kids, and I'm enjoying myself. I feel a bit lost with my reading class at times; I've not taught reading before, but I know who to go to for support. Maysie is nearly 6 months old! She is a champ with solid foods and she's a pro at rolling over! She can almost sit without my help, too! And the cute faces and noised she makes now........I can hardly stand it! Just in the last few days she has started wrinkling up her nose at times when she smiles or laughs . She also loves to blow a raspberry. And she's "talking". She says "Uhma, uhma." When she strings them together...."uhmamamamama" which, of course, I love! Sometimes she just says "mama". We don't use the "D" word in our house.
Speaking of house, I've decided to give mine back to the bank. I can't afford it anymore, I'm thousands of dollars behind on my mortgage. My efforts to be proactive and look into options for payment before I fell behind were in vain. By the time my paperwork was processed (three months AFTER I called to request assistance because I recognized that I wouldn't be able to make my next payment) I was too far behind in payments for any options they were presenting at that time. So, they can have the damn thing. It's too big for me and Maysie, the bugs and mice are taking over- not to mention the weeds! I feel like it's caving in on me. I figure if I don't give it up, then they will take it by foreclosure. This way is the lesser of two evils. Now I'm just playing the waiting game to see if I'm even eligible to give my house back; to see if my lender will even accept the deed. If not, then I guess I'll just sit here in the spider webs and mouse poop until they kick me out. No one is buying; no one's even looking.
Needless to say, I've been a bit distracted by life in general. My blog has taken a back seat to the world around me. No gray hairs yet, though....