In a nutshell...

Since I've started my summer job, I've hardly had time to myself. I'll try to catch up my blog as briefly as possible, but no one has ever accused me of being brief!

The stressors have ebbed and flowed the last three weeks. New ones creep in, but the usuals are still looming overhead. Mostly money matters, which are directly connected to the house- sell already!!! The T factor stressor (Maysie's "father") are beginning to subside as I have decided to lock the door he chose to walk through. I've heard no knocking, so he must be too busy playing house with his new wife to care. (that's right- he married the twice left while impregnated girl he left both me and his first wife for only seconds after getting back together again. Third time's the charm, right?)

Maysie seems to have adjusted to her new 'school', as have I adjusted to not having my little shadow with me 24/7. I decided to slowly introduce her to regular bottle feeding at least twice a day (I feed her during my lunch break as well as before I go to my room to work and when I pick her up.) because I won't be there to feed her at all during the day once I go back to school in the fall. At first, she wouldn't take a bottle. Finally, one day she decided a bottle wasn't so bad. That was a relief. It is hard, though, having so little Maysie time during the week.

I joined a gym. It was hard to justify the expense, but I knew I needed to do something for me even if it was only for 30 minutes two times a week. Their child care is free and trustworthy. I'm excited to get back into shape; I try not to feel too guilty not spending that time with Maysie after I haven't seen her most of the day. It's funny, just weeks after having Maysie I was back down to my high school/ college weight (below my pre-pregnancy weight I might brag!). I remember looking in the mirror thinking, 'Hey, I don't look too bad!'. Since then, I've maintained that weight- though it does fluctuate a pound or two each day-, but I feel that I don't look as good as I did. I feel flabbier somehow.....hmmmmm.....

Now that I'm not home all day to pump milk while Maysie naps, my frozen milk supply is surviving only day to day. I try to pump twice a day and keep my stock one day ahead. I'm so afraid I'm going to 'dry up' before I'm ready to. She's eating more now. It's easy to keep her on a schedule at school because I can tell how much she's eating at a time, but I have no idea how much she eats when I nurse her. It seems she doesn't get enough at one sitting to fill her up, so she needs to nurse more frequently when we're home, which makes it difficult to pump any substancial amounts to freeze. I really enjoy breastfeeding, and I know the benefits it has for Maysie. I'm hoping I can keep up for at least 3 or 4 more months!

A huge stressor I was feeling last week (with some residuals still lingering) was getting my school business finished. Because I've been moved to a different school for the upcoming school year, I needed to packup my room. The districty provided boxes and the hauling for everything that fit into those boxes, which was nice, but I learned that I have so much stuff that doesn't fit in a box. I took a day off from my summer gig to get it done; I thought that would be enough time. I had forgotten how much work goes into closing down, probably becuase in the past I started before the last day for teachers. This year however, a little thing called maternity leave interferred with that proactivity. I had one day to pack up my room, print out grade reports for the entire year, address and mail report cards, finish other bits of paper work- Oh yeah, and make up the 8.5 hours of professional developement I missed while I was on leave!!! Okay, so it's taking a week and a half to make up all the hours, but even that time line is tough!! There are some online courses I can take, which I've been enjoying, that I've been trying to squeeze in where I can. Each week day, though, I get only about 2 hours to myself after Maysie goes to bed. In that time I also have to feed the dogs and myself, clean up the house (in case someone wants to look!), do laundry, dishes, and pump, and that's only if Maysie goes to bed at her bed time between 7:30 and 8. Some nights I can't make it to 10:00! I promised my principal I would have them done by Monday. If not, the district will put a hold on my contract!!! So why am I wasting my time blogging!!!! -Really, I just needed to clear my head.....