Lovely cynic

This morning I heard the new Josh Grobin song on the radio, "Awake". It was hauntingly beautiful (I would marry him just to hear him sing to me all day!). Tonight, I searched Limewire until I found it so I could hear it again. I've always enjoyed listening to beautiful music; I mean REALLY listening- allowing the music and the lyrics to play through my soul and feel the story. I've caught myself tearing up from listening to a good song, even if there are no words.

When I listened again tonight, I got a bit teary. The words are so incredibly heart-felt and romantic. Every woman lives to hear those words spoken from the man she loves. I can't help but feel, though, that it's all a bunch of bull shit. Oh, sure, a person can SAY those words, but do they really mean them? And even if they do mean them at the time they're spoken, for how long? A day? A month? Eventually, that sentiment wears off and then what? On to the next novelty?

It's sad and hollow to realize that I've stopped believing in true love. While I do believe I have found the purest, greatest love ever in my daughter, it's not the kind that a person longs to be part of in regards to a partnership. I've heard and read stories of how some men treat their women so perfectly and say the sweetest things; then I wonder when the ball will drop. I say to myself, 'yeah, right', because no one genuinely feels that way. That kind of love exists only in writing, not in real life. At least not in mine anyway. I do feel that I am capable of loving some one that deeply, only that I don't have what it takes to be loved like that. And even if some one ever came along and tried, I don't know that I would ever believe them. I would just play along, waiting for the ball to drop.

I used to believe in love- when did life make me so cynical?