To be or to blog....

Since I've started work, blogging has become more of a chore than a hobby. Feeling obligated defeats the purpose doesn't it? It's not that I have nothing to say, I have many thoughts and feelings gnawing at my soul day after day, but I'm not sure I care to peel my skin back for all to see- and not even knowing who would be looking. Vulnerability has never been something I was good at. When I've tried, it was in vain, for the recipients could have cared less. I guess journaling could be a more private venue....I journaled my heart out during the last months of my pregnancy- I had a lot of feelings to sort out. I still do, but again, journaling would seem like a chore. Afterall, isn't it enough to experience these heavy feelings? Writing about them later is like reliving them- and the idea of that is exhausting. Keeping all those thoughts and feelings to myself does weigh me down, though. I long to share them with some one, but not just any random reader. I can only hope that someone will come along one day that wants to know what I'm thinking, and wants me to share the inner depths of my soul with them. I'm tired of trying to force others to know me to that degree of intimacy- then I feel foolish and vulnerable. I know that if I stand naked outside long enough with a sign that reads "love me", someone will eventually offer me a blanket and invite me in, but I would have one hell of a sun burn by that time. (yes, I know it's a crazy metaphor...I can't write without them!) It's not worth it. So, until someone is willing to not only accept, but ask for the words within, I'll just pack them in boxes and store them away.